Dating Dilemmas – Are You Intimidated By the Ex?
Not long ago I was out on a date with a pretty awesome guy. We got along well, conversation came easy, we had a lot of shared interests and I looked forward to hanging out with him again.
Then he asked about my ex, and that’s where things got weird. He wanted to know my pet peeves, I answered honestly and he quickly interjected “I don’t do that!”. Okay … noted?
He wanted to know the reason my ex and I split, I answered, and again he quickly interjected, “I don’t do that!” Somehow a contest had been established between this new fling and my long-gone ex. It wasn’t pretty.
Stalking’s All Fun and Games, Until You Hit the “Like” Button
A gal pal of mine started dating a really amazing guy, and like most girls with some free time on her hands, she checked out his facebook page. Lo and behold she came across his photo album entitled “my baby” featuring all sorts of pictures of her boyfriend and his ex when they were in the prime of their relationship.
My girlfriend was devastated, she nearly went into a tailspin of depression simply picturing this wonderful guy in a happy relationship with another woman. I had to remind her that the happy woman in those pictures is his ex, and she’s an ex for a reason. Live in the now!
Ex-Fueled Insecurity is Natural, Keep Calm and Carry On
- Save the drama for your mama – No matter how wonderfully exotic and amazing the ex appears to be, the relationship ended for reasons that have nothing to do with you (unless you’re a homewrecker, but that’s a different subject for another article). Comparing yourself to others, ex or anyone, is a recipe for insecurity and unnecessary drama – a real relationship killer, and an easily avoidable one at that.
- Write it down – Relationships are hard, they require work and continued effort. Sometimes a lot of that work is in the form of maintaining a sense of self-control. If you’re feeling self-conscious because you’ve been comparing yourself to the ex, write it down and purge your confused emotions in a safe, unbiased environment. Getting it out on paper will help you make sense of what’s really bothering you, as well as what you can do to get over it.
- Be honest – What’s really bothering you? Do you worry that your sweetheart will wake up one morning and want to reconcile with the ex? Remember, ex’s are part of the past for a reason, best to leave that reason in the past where it belongs. If you absolutely must discuss the ex with your darling, keep it short and sweet, then don’t bring it up again.
Some Things Are Best Left Unsaid
I like to practice a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy when it comes to talking about ex’s. There are a few instances where it helps to know why a relationship ended, but no one needs every last detail.
When talking about the ex, it’s a good idea to keep your ego out of the equation, just listen as an unbiased third party and by all means, don’t compare yourself to the ex.
Have you run into a similar situation? What did you do to get over it without crushing your relationship in the process?